39 + 1

yesterday was a very peculiar day..
last day at work ... emotional... and i am now very sure some of the guys there ARE amazing and i will thoroughly miss them....
i am not very good with goodbyes, even the last day of school used to be very taxing for me; possibly because i am an only child... but that's just they way it has always been....
so i did ask everyone to pretend yesterday was a very normal day, and that i would be back on Monday...
they were good, they were very good...
they kept  silent (yes i did see the cards going around, but hey i was expecting at least a bloody card :P)
and then when it was time for me to go they dished out this:

 Carramba what a surprise somebody said.....

I had a cake (well i try not to eat cake, but this was red velvet  ... so i stole bites while nobody was looking :P:P:P:P)

and the present, the present....
yes there were the lovely mini baby grows and the blankets (which were delightful and so so tasteful... you know who you are and you are always a guarantee of classy gifts)

they gave us a vibrating chair ... (OK that sounds wrong, but it is true)
i wanted one, but then i did not wanted one, but then i wanted one

                                                    

So it was so so perfect, i got so emotional it was ridiculous (my blood  pressure shoot up and the midwife had to take it twice yesterday.....)

this caused me to break in a flood of tears

and the hormones did not help ....i had to hide in the bathroom several times... i do not like to break down like that at work, but this was the result....

 And then i was off (after arranging for poor Richard to go and pick up the stuff at the office ... with the strike and everything he came home at 10pm)

i had to go and see the midwife....

cried on the bus as all of my life as i have known it passed me by ... hoping to hear baby is well and ready to come out ...
arrived at the midwife house only 1 hour before my appointment..
they made me wait 1 hour (this did not help my mood)

as usual i saw a midwife that i had never saw before (please understand i think all of the midwives i have seen are amazing, but bloody hell i did see 7 of them since this started)
blood pressure = a bit high but ok
pee = free from protein
bump size = increased 2 cm
baby's heart = perfect
...
baby position = DID NOT ENGAGE

F***K it's not coming out, is it?
shit i have been dreading this moment for 8 months - i knew this would happen, but still
i did not want to hear it...,
membrane sweep has been booked for the 2nd of July.....
lost will to leave
got home (took me 3 hours)
cried like a bleeming baby....