I did not know really what to expect, i was imagining a clean gym looking like room with mirrors and a nurse guiding us through breathing exercises, videos showing us what to expect, and a clear explanation of labour stages and what to do and when to do it...
something like this:
I was possibly unreasonable and had seen too many US TV shows... or i was just naive...
as it looked much more like this:
I arrived first (why would anyone want to be on time?????)
Slowly the room filled up; there were another5 couples and 2 lonely ladies..... I couple looked like they were 12, but it is possibly just me being an old cow..... they did not seem like the brightest tools in the box.....
We then met our midwife, a nice middle age very English woman that offered us tea and biscuits.
After the meet and greet
(usual round around the room: "Hi May name is Barbara and i am pregnant" kind of thing )
we got down to business, we got divided in 2 groups and we were asked to write down any questions we had....
We spent the rest of the 2 hours discussing the questions and giving the answers.
(yes, you know that old training technique "if you do not know the answer throw it back to the room and someone will know the answer"????? That's exactly what happened)
What questions were asked.... ahhh so interesting and sooooo useful
"What sex position can we use safely?"
"will my penis hit the baby's head if we have sex?" (Yeah you wish man with a clearly too small penis)
and other pearls....
But to be fair we also learnt... we learnt that the baby need to have his head downward to be born (really???? I would never have thought so)
and that if by week 36 the baby had not adopted the desired position ( baby is engaged) we have a situation called breech; and it looks something like this:
Clearly baby cannot be born this way, we need to have the baby turned....
how do we do it?
a- we can do a downward facing dog and hope the baby moves and turns
b- an obstetrician can turn the baby with his hands (do not worry they give you medicine before doing that)
c- you can have a Cesarean
or... the best option:
d- use Moxibustion
I will not report what Richard did at the mention of this as a viable option, but it was not pretty....
Honestly i thought it was an enormous waste of time, everything they told us i could have read it in a book or on the Internet and it would have possibly be more accurate...
Only 1 piece of info was actually useful, when i will go into labour i will not be admitted in the labour ward until the contractions are 3 to 5 minutes apart and they last about 50 seconds (this will mean my cervix will be 4 cm dilated)
or if my water break and there is blood i need to go in immediately ....
I am now looking forward next week class, where we will be advised on labour positions and pain relief options.... i am sure after the homoeopathy crap they will tell us about will be drafting the birth astrological chart of the baby.
I can't believe we live in the dark ages
Go epidural, go Cesarean
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