The joys of breastfeeding

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nipple and breast images will flash in your mind

and not of the good kind            

 

... It was day 2, i had just woken up...
well woken up is not the correct word, regain consciousness is possibly more appropriate; just by looking around i could sense i was not in my bedroom and the bed had an awkward feeling to it... where the pupu was I??? Ahhh yes, we had a baby, a quick survey of the space around me revealed a crumpled up Richard on an impossibly uncomfortable chair and a strange creature in a transparent plastic box ... our baby ... she seemed as freaked out and lost as i was, but clearly she was looking at me
(clearly??? will discover a few days after that poor Amy at that point could not see past 10 cm)
It would soon be time to feed her;
I was prepared, I had studied, I had attended the (useless) workshop ..
It was time for breast feeding.
I was ready, I was kind of curious and a bit excited.
It could not be difficult, it would be perfectly natural (or so i had been told)
After all it was something women had done for millenia, it was the best for babies.
For if not for breastfeeding why on hearth would have nature had given us breast?What could they be for  if not to provide our offspring with all the nutrients and protection they would ever need in the first few months of their lives?
...
So i call Richard ( in those days he actually was able to wake up in a millisecond, he was so tense and scared and excited) and he picks up this tiny little things, i get ready (wiggle my bum and expose a breast), Amy looks at me with what i can only describe as hunger, hope and anticipation ...
I cradle her in my arms, prop her, as instructed in the workshop, into the "Rugby ball" position, nipple to nose, she opens wide, i see an opportunity and POP nipple in mouth ...
it's on, (i think) there we go - our fist proper feed -
...
WTF
...
WTF IS THIS HORRIBLE SEARING PAIN?????
...
amy starts crying like a fox in heat
...
WTF
...
So went our first attempt at breastfeeding, during that second day we tried several times with the results of cracked and bleeding nipples ...
feeding Amy?                                                     

We had to thank our friend Aptamil, and their starter pack. But I was not one to give up so easily. We would not give formula to our baby, I was adamant, so adamant i did not even buy any bottle (biberon). We enlisted the help of every midwife on the ward. We saw a few... the young English one, "no it's ok, just keep trying sooner or later she will feed and a little blood will not hurt her"; the Ghanaian one "get on with it woman, stop winging"; the Italian one "shit, it's a miracle you are still even

trying considering how cracked are your nipples" and my "favourite" the tractor wielding, potato like, direct and straight Teutonic one... she took one of my breast in one hand, Amy's head in the other and she proceeded to manoeuvre one towards the other in the same way you would try to engage the reverse gear in a Golf Mk2 circa 1988 ... 

It all ended in tears;
and after a couple of weeks of a crying Amy, bleeding nipples, tears and frustration on my side, feeling a failure as a woman and as a mother
(oh yes it does start early as a dear friend of mine told me)
a quick trip on amazon website brought us home several bottles and a pack of Aptamil,
The months flew by and several types of formula got tried and discarded; aptamil gave way to Cow and Gate who gave way to HIPP (the one we are currently using);
We also had several incarantion of the bottle (or Biberon in italian) first the Avent series (Amy would only eat 20 ml form the small bottle)

 And then when she had horrible colics and farting issues
(more to come on that later for your viewing pleasures)
we found MAM and she loved them, colourful, cute and most important she loved the tit on them

So almost 4 months to the date form that fateful second day we are now on 160ml at every feed 5 times a day (she is a bidoncino, what can we do?) and look what happened yesterday:

" Mummy i think i can do it on my own, just leave me to it ...."
"OOppss it's in my eye..... (coy face) help me mummy"