then you know your life will change... forever...
what you might not know is that it will change in ways you did not even consider... ( ahem like you never heard this one before)
yes yes there is going to be diapers,
there is going to be poop talk,
there is going to be emotional upheaval,
you are going to turn into your parents slowly,
you are going to gain weight,
what you might not have ever imagined is that , if you live in a city, a strange phenomenon will take place....
I call itDESERTIFICATION OF THE FRIENDS' ZONE
what I mean is that with that positive pregnancy test here should be a warning
"YOU WILL LOSE 90% OF WHO YOU THEN CALLED YOUR FRIENDS"
"No,I hear you say, I have had a baby and I still have all of my friends next to me" Really??? Really???
Think about it and count how many of the people you used to see on a very regular basis you are still seeing now; if you have everyone still next to you count yourself lucky and smart as you chose the right people to be friends with to begin with; what happened to me however was very different.
It all started that day that me and Richard were at the hospital for our first screening, up to that we had told only 2 people about the pregnancy (and they were super happy, but hey they were pregnant and lived abroad... so nothing could be lost there) but after the scan when we got confirmed everything was ok we thought it was time to tell people.. and so it began
"hey I have to tell you some news"
"what, tell me"
"... We are expecting a baby ..." (follows an uncomfortable pause)
" Does this mean you won't be coming to my wedding???? OMG the wedding will be a disaster all of these people that can't make it"
follows more uncomfortable silence
"what, tell me"
"... We are expecting a baby ..."
" Oh that's fantastic, amazing, I will be there for you guys all the time, I will be like the fun aunt/uncle".
...
Be prepared for the big vanishing act, these are the people that are never to be found when you actually need them but always there when you don't to swear by their reliability.
You go through 9 months of pregnancy and everything seems fine... you don't see people too often, but hey you expected this after all you can't drink, you can't eat the same things (sushi anyone?) and let's face it you are a bit of a beached whale;
all this time holding on for when the baby comes and some normality will be acquired and slowly but surely everything will settle back into normality
....
WRONG
...
People will come see you and wonder at the baby ... some will coo and some will be terrified of even seeing the inside of a nappy, some will plainly be not interested, but seriously consider that as a goodbye as after that "POOF" they will mostly be gone
It is not through fault of their own, mostly it will be yours.
Unless your friends get pregnant quickly the divide between you and them will grow quickly.
They will still carry on with their carefree life clubbing, restauranting, drinking, theatreing and in general staying out of the house as much as possible.
On the other side there is you, your husband and your baby and for a very long time you will have a very varied list of conversational topics:
- Poop
- Nappies ( reusable? nappy genie? characters on them?)
- Sleeping ( and lack of it)
- Poop
- Poop
- vaccination ( and OMFG you will lose friends, acquaintances and you will rage war on this subject)
- Poop
- and then some more poop (yes it will happen, we all said no i will never be that parent and suddenly you find yourself at the dinner table discussing consistency and colour of the above mentioned like if it were the most natural thing in the world)
You will resent your "friends" as they still get to live the life you used to.
You suddenly will think that spending 8 hours on a Sunday in a dingy smelly pub drinking yourself silly is NOT quality time.
You will want to go out but then change your mind at the last minute as baby seems a bit down.
And you will feel all of this at the same time, a lot of the times.
And your friend slowly but surely will be pushed aside by your parenthood... they won't like you and you won't like them
you will pretend to like each other still for a bit but by the time your baby is 3 you will have lost almost anyone ...except 2 or 3 of your old friends... the best ones?
not sure;
I probably would say the one that were interested in you more than in the activities you used to do together; or the ones that actually cared enough to stick with you while you were "that parent"
unfair? Maybe
But don't worry good chances are that you have been "that friend" before and that you will be again, you will abandon several friends through your life
It's all part of growing up
the important is to remember that it's not them it's you
don't blame them, don't resent them, just move on
